My first memory is a panic attack
alone at five years old.

I had just accepted Jesus earlier that summer, but that memory was lost in the trauma. I learned to control my breathing so I wouldn’t hyperventilate, but the anxiety stayed with me for years.

At age seven or eight, God told me to ask my mom for ballet lessons. It was a quiet whisper only my heart could hear, but I’m thankful He spoke. That moment changed the course of my entire life. I started ballet lessons at age ten.

At age fourteen, I attended Ballet Magnificat where God affirmed His calling on me for dance. But as it often happens, this mountaintop experience was soon followed by a dark season of hurt, anger, bitterness, and depression.

By age fifteen or sixteen, I was a dysfunctional mess. I had very unhealthy perspectives of God, men, confrontation, and boundaries. While both my parents were Christians trying to do the best they could, we struggled as a family.

I left home the summer I turned seventeen. Ballet boarding school brought its own set of traumas. The culture shock plus a sprained ankle plus mold allergies triggered my self harm and I poured my anger out on myself via an eating disorder. The car accidents didn’t help either. Those were the worst two years of my life.

I changed ballet schools the summer I turned nineteen. Those two years were better, but still very messy. I had no vision for my life. Dance had broken me and I wanted nothing to do with it, despite the calling I’d received ten years earlier. I had only one creative idea, and that became “Blue Dress.”

I spent my twenty first birthday in South Florida. Within two weeks of moving, I found friends. That spring, I filmed “Be Free.” Shortly afterwards, I started working full-time in retail simply to pay the bills.

The next few years passed quietly as I continued to learn and grow. God provided enough for me to film “Shine.” In 2011, I started vlogging and making friends on social media.

January 2014, I met my future husband on the internet. Ben and I were both on social media for the friendly banter and he joked with the best of them.

Spring of 2016, my friendly liking for Ben grew into a crush of epic proportions. We spent the next few months navigating our feelings for each other while simultaneously my mental health was deteriorating. I’d struggled with suicidal thoughts for years, but this was the worst they’d ever been.

We met that Thanksgiving and professed our liking.

We saw each other again in February 2017, and he proposed (the day before Valentine’s because he just couldn’t wait any longer!)

I quit my job at the end of March and moved in with his family on April first.

August 12th, 2017, we got married. It was one of the most beautiful days of my life. Unfortunately, my mental health was still unstable and we spent the first few months just trying to cope.

December 7th, 2017, I started taking custom vitamins. The change helped me so much, I soon began creating again.