Scent & Sensitivity
Photo by Vero Manrique
Having a strong sense of smell is both a blessing and a curse.
When someone has a strong sense of smell it means that they enjoy more intensely, but they also get easily overwhelmed. They have the sensitive discernment to recognize which spices might be in a certain dish so they can recreate it themselves, but they are also more vulnerable because of that discernment. They are more easily disgusted when food is bad or when there is mold in a building. While having a strong sense of smell can be helpful, it can also be very overpowering. Their greatest challenge is handling their increased knowledge.
Having a weak or even no sense of smell is also a blessing and a curse.
A person with a weak sense of smell, such as myself, has to make the most in enjoying the good things that we can smell, but it also means that we are better able to deal with bad smells. While we might not be able to tell if the raw meat in the fridge is still good, someone with a weak sense of smell is better able to process the trash or clean up the remains of a dead animal that would otherwise cause the sensitive smeller to become nauseous. Unfortunately, I have also had to learn that if my armpits feel moist in any way, I probably stink and I should definitely do something about that if I am able and I certainly should not lift my hands in church.
Because our sensitivity is weaker, we must be content to savor what we can smell and use our insensitivity for the good of those around us. Our greatest challenge is learning to recognize bad smells from additional clues in our environment and adapting our behavior accordingly.
Let’s apply this to emotions.
There are benefits to being emotionally sensitive and there are challenges.
Emotionally sensitive individuals sometimes pride themselves on their relational discernment, and many times they are right. They can often tell when someone is struggling and trying to hide it; They can discern the underlying motives behind big outbursts; and when they have enough information, they can correctly identify the demise of a friend group while it is still happening.
As an emotionally sensitive person, I am often able to understand and encourage people in deeply meaningful ways. When people recognize this, even strangers, they frequently trust me to counsel them regarding big life decisions. I have helped more people than I can remember in this regard and it has been a privilege to serve them in this way.
But there are also challenges.
As an emotionally sensitive person, I get easily overwhelmed by the deep soul needs that I see in humanity. These are always healed by a deeper knowledge of Christ and His goodness, but I am often driven to despair over how to help them understand and experience the truths that will heal them.
As an emotionally sensitive person, I am frequently intimidated by the expectations that others develop for me when they recognize my capacity to understand them. I cannot be everyone’s counselor. I cannot be everyone’s routine “emotional fix.” While my emotions are great, I am still finite and the physical energy that allows me to feel those emotions is also finite.
As an emotionally sensitive person, I must also deal with my own deep soul needs and the selfishness that tries to satisfy them in unhealthy ways. Sometimes I am so self-absorbed I cannot recognize the needs of those around me. This is the great paradox: sometimes our hyper-sensitivity to our own needs makes us unable to seek the best interest of those around us. While we might be able to discern the needs of others, if we are preoccupied with ourselves, we won’t be able to see them. We must learn to preach the gospel to ourselves and steward our own emotions well so that we can learn gentleness towards those around us.
Likewise, there are benefits and challenges to being emotionally insensitive.
An emotionally insensitive person is better able to read the headlines, synthesize the data via their worldview, and go on about their day without being personally affected by it.
An emotionally insensitive person is sometimes better able to learn and practice gentleness without overthinking their emotions about it. For example, if a husband knows that his wife feels loved when he buys flowers, he can be sick in bed, get an anniversary reminder, order flowers from his phone, and make his wife feel very well loved even though he himself might not feel anything in the moment. The emotionally insensitive person can learn to love others even though they may not feel affectionate at the time. In contrast, an emotionally sensitive person often has a hard time taking action to love another person without being motivated by their emotions. They question if the action is sincere if they don’t feel what they are doing. Those who grow in maturity will overcome this.
An additional challenge occurs when two sensitive individuals are trying to relate to each other, but they are sensitive about different things. If they walk in pride regarding their own sensitivity, they will be blind to the differences of the other person. They must acknowledge their insensitivity in order to learn how to be gentle.
“Do to others as you would have them do to you.”
This is the golden rule, and it is often quoted by those who do not even profess the name of Christ, which indicates that even culturally, we have a standard of doing good to others.
The challenge is that it is based in our own standard of what is good.
Those who are sensitive must learn to lower their expectations for how others love them and find contentment when they are deeply understood.
Those who are insensitive must learn to recognize the patterns of what others expect and use their strength to do things that would be too hard for the sensitive.
“And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.”
All of this requires patience, from the sensitive and insensitive alike, that those watching us would see how much we love God by how we love each other.
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